apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
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