Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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