The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
