I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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