He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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