how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
