shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
