We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Randomize
