Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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