just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
