that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
