You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
My ATM looks so different sober.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
