K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
