i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
