this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
