Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
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