I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
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