Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
