We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
