Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
