I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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