I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize