people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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