is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
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