so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
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