Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
