My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
