It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
