is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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