So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
