Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
