benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
