My room smells like vodka and shame
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
The adults are the big ones right?
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
