my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
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