The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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