How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Randomize
