before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
