When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
