So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
