Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Randomize
