using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
