We won't sleep together?
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
