My hand turned me down
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
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