i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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