Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Randomize
