I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
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