Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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