Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
