the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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