he laminated a picture of his dick.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
