A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
