Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
