So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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