Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
