you have to choose: penises or morals?
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
