On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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