dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
