If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Randomize
