cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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