she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
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