I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
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