i jhust puked up my retainher.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
