In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
