You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
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