How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I'm sorry my penis didn't work
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
