I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
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