Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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