Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize