im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Randomize
