I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
