SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
