idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
