That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
