I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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