hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
In America we eat man semen.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Randomize
