Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
